3 goals, 2 questions, 1 goofy woman

it's a new calendar year today (maybe you've been in a shoebox and missed this fact). usually i don't get so reflective and forward-thinking in january. i mean, it's not even the end of the first semester at school! i usually set all kinds of goals in august, but i have three for 2011.

1. i'm committed to memorizing 24 scriptures with beth moore's team this year. click here to see the directions.  my first verse - from memory! "but the woman who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom and continues to do this, not forgetting what she has heard, but doing it - she will be blessed in all that she does." james 1:25 (NIV - and i changed the gender of the blessed because it feels more like a promise for me.)
2. i will read at least four new-to-me blogs per week. my favorite find of late is 60 piggies. i love her writing. love it.
3. i've chosen one word to characterize 2011. hope. i'm going to claim it for the people in my life as i pray for them. well, and for me, too.

so, what are your goals?

and i have a random-i-don't-know-why-i'm-thinking-about-it question. how would life be different if i wore cowboy boots? my answer - i think i would fall down more (they're slick on the bottom) and maybe enjoy mud. you?

and yet

So, ummmm, there's a chance that I worry too much. Last night, driving home from church, I heard the death rattle in my car. It was coming from underneath and both sides. It changed as I braked and accelerated. Like the tell-tale heart, its sound rose to a crescendo as I turned onto our dirt road. And I went through all the scenarios - me, alone, on a dirt road, attacked by coyotes before anyone can get to me. Or, I make it home but we have to buy a new car and we can't afford one and I have to ask the administrators if I can ride the school bus to and from work.

Just one example. And much less serious than my other worries. Beth Moore said in her Esther study, "If __________, then God." Fill in the blank. Everything fits. There is nothing bigger than God. He's proven it over and over again in scripture and my life. And yet.

The death rattle? A stick.

Linking up with Emily for imperfect prose on thursday.

His toothbrush is gone. His truck is gone. I am bereft - is that okay? I mean, my husband is gone to Africa to spread the Good News while all I'm doing is sitting hunched over my computer with ear plugs in to block out the guitar - Hank is teaching himself Dueling Banjos. It's going to be a long twelve days.

I'm reading again. After Cameron, my nephew, died in December, I couldn't concentrate. Focus has returned and I've finished the bulk of my professional writing that's due in March, so I can read without guilt. Two books:

1. So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. Nonfiction, hence the ear plugs. Beth is an excellent Bible teacher. I love her studies. About this new book she says that she wants women to open the book insecure and close it as secure women. I'm participating in the online discussion group. It's great so far.
2. In the Time of the Butterflies by Julia Alvarez. Historical fiction - a favorite of mine. The setting is the reign of Trujillo, the ruthless dictator who ruled the Dominican Republic from 1930-1961. The story focuses on four sisters who are caught up in subversive acts against the tyrannical leader. I wanted to know more about the country's past since I've visited twice in the last year and plan to go again in July. Very well-written and suspenseful.

I want to write again. Seriously. I miss the cleansing. The rush. The backache. Perhaps the muse will visit again soon. Until then, read my shoddy poetry and boring posts....

KP

let go

Going a little deep today:

Our youth minister planned a ski trip to West Virginia for this weekend, and our older son, Hank, was to attend. I am a wretched worrier when it comes to my children going on trips without me. Yes, I worry about safety, but also about their smells, manners, sloppiness.... In Hank's case I wonder who will ride in the helicopter with him when he is airlifted to a hospital in Charleston because he has snapped his leg in half. There is a precedent. Worry is in my hand basket. At Bible study Wednesday night Beth Moore talked about unforgiveness. She said that if a person holds on to unforgiveness, she can't hold on to Jesus. Hmmmm. I sat there thinking that I have a hand basket of items that keep me from holding on to Him. Let me unpack it: anger, fear, worry, eating disorder, sadness. I understand with my head that Jesus will bear these burdens, in fact, he wants to bear them. I just don't have the slightest idea how to make the transfer. What's in your basket?

Lighter notes:

The trip was canceled!

I had to laugh when I filled out Hank's ski rental form. It was one of those that's carbonized and has little boxes to fill in, you know, one letter or number per box. Now remember, this is a form for renting skis or snowboards. The place to record the age of the renter? Three boxes!