fog, running and isn't this life?

i pulled my hood up
for the bottom land
where fog lifted off the creek
and the air was
cold
cold
cold
but i didn't stop
one foot then the other
one foot then the other
it's uphill,
out of the fog,
and isn't this life?
uphill,
out of life-sapping
fear
grief
worry
depression
(the list is longer but who wants to read it?)
but we can't stop
one foot then the other
one foot then the other
hemmed in,
behind and before,
by the one who
has overcome the world
i topped the hill
(not limping)
pulled off my hood
and
ran on

what's your fog, your bottom land? and how do you get out?

continuing to count his gifts to 1000 -

842. a christmas tree!
843. friends who brought the tree!
844. cream cheese brownies
845. watching my boys wrestle
846. hearing hank drive up to the house, safe
847. a surprise gift from my husband
848. time with mom and dad at church
849. happy texts from my girl, the one i mentor

linking with -

michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, ann for 1000 gifts, l.l. for on, in, and around mondays

joan for sharing his beauty, laura for playdates with god, elaine for miss elaine-ous monday, jen for soli deo gloria shanda for on your heart tuesdays and kat for titus 2 tuesdays

just some news about anti-depressants, chickens and my husband the missionary

• i completely weaned myself off anti-depressants! and distressing dizziness followed. dizziness that huge chunks of cheddar cheese didn't help. tilt-a-whirl dizziness. should get off the ride in about a week, according to my very patient physician.
• one of my chickens turned against me yesterday. she ruffled her feathers and displayed aggression instead of walking obediently into her coop when i told her to. i saw the same one peck the cat yesterday. i've got my eye on you, red chicken! in other news from the coop, we should begin getting eggs this week or the next.
• if you're not my facebook friend, you might not know that i came across a frozen rattlesnake head and skin in my freezer yesterday. my father-in-law took them off my hands today since i could no longer open the door.
• i wasn't going to talk about it, but my husband is away. far far far away. thousands of miles. on a wycliffe trip. i miss him in my very bones. but i'm peaceful about it because he is in god's will and i love that he seeks and listens and obeys. this is cause for joy. 
• i've read galatians five everyday this week. let us keep in step with the spirit. and this is my banner scripture for now.

so what's going on in your world?

linking with -

jen for god bumps, joy for life:unmasked, grace for FYBF, faith links, carina for i am thankful, beki at the rusted chain, michelle for caffeinated randomness and studio jru for sneak peek friday

and i write about depression one last time

in-real-lifers!

the rite-aid
techs know my name
and automatically pull my prescription
when they see me
i zoom through
electronic check-out like a pro
yeah.
medication.
for depression.
for years.
and at first
i felt
embarrassed
and
less-than
but
i began to feel well
and
i was able to give
and
i returned to prayer
and
i found god's kendal again
so for now
i have medication on my shelf
and
this is god,
who will himself restore me
and make me strong, firm and steadfast

where do you see god in the places people don't usually look?

continuing to count his gifts to 1000 -

625. meeting blogger amy sullivan in real life
626. and meeting new friends at the in-real-life conference
627. a weekend of music at merlefest
628. a mother-in-law who did my chores so i could have all this fun
629. honest, loving, wise small group members
630. my girl, the one i mentor, for loving me, despite
631. my husband, who thanks me for marrying him
632. chickens and garden growing

linking with:
michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, ann for 1000 gifts, l.l. for on, in, and around mondays

joan for sharing his beauty, laura for playdates with god jen for soli deo gloria and
shanda for on your heart tuesdays

a skirted topic (part 2)

i wrote about depression here on sunday. this is the second piece, in which i give a little history

i spent most of my sixth grade year
with a snarl of disgust
painted on my face
finding little pleasure
in life
one of my teachers noticed
and
pulled me into the hall
to talk about my attitude
and
what could be wrong
i
had
no
idea
but i eventually felt like me again
i remember the day my
ballet teacher opened her arms
and hugged me. hard.
she saw the question on my face
and said
you just smiled for the first time in a year
and then the time in college
and then the time as a first-year teacher
and then the time when i was thirty
with a husband, two small children, a job
and
there was my nurse-friend saying
you don't have to live like this
as she handed me the phone, already dialed
in to my doctor
these teachers, this friend?
god-sent and beautiful and not thanked enough

have you had those god-sent people helping you in a blind time?

linking with -

lori for word filled wednesday
emily for imperfect prose
jen for god bumps
joy for life:unmasked

a skirted topic (part 1)

when i realized the sermon
was about depression
i squirmed a little
planned my exit strategy
what if the pastor railed?
told the depressed to buck up?
to pray more?
i haven't written about
depression here
because sometimes i feel
like a defective
christian
wife
mother
because i have had dark days
dark days strung together
into months
when i felt as if my chest
was filled with shards of glass
and
lying abed staring at the wall
felt like too much
but the pastor was gracious
calling upon jeremiah
as our example of one
who lost hope
and
found it again
i needed help to rid myself
of the shards
to find that hope again
i feel well today
marshmallows inside
instead of broken glass

i will write more about the help i sought on wednesday. how about you? what are your views on how we should handle depression?

continuing to count his gifts to 1000 -

616. time with my husband
617. sons who show responsibility
618. taking care of the little privettes
619. finding flowers on my run
620. my co-workers. they help make school enjoyable
621. friends from church sharing their weekend
622. homemade strawberry jam (thanks, nana!)
623. my dad working hard in physical therapy
624. siblings linking with:

michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, ann for 1000 gifts, l.l. for on, in, and around mondays

joan for sharing his beauty, laura for playdates with god jen for soli deo gloria and
shanda for on your heart tuesdays