Monday, April 23, 2012

a skirted topic (part 1)

when i realized the sermon
was about depression
i squirmed a little
planned my exit strategy
what if the pastor railed?
told the depressed to buck up?
to pray more?
i haven't written about
depression here
because sometimes i feel
like a defective
because i have had dark days
dark days strung together
into months
when i felt as if my chest
was filled with shards of glass
lying abed staring at the wall
felt like too much
but the pastor was gracious
calling upon jeremiah
as our example of one
who lost hope
found it again
i needed help to rid myself
of the shards
to find that hope again
i feel well today
marshmallows inside
instead of broken glass

i will write more about the help i sought on wednesday. how about you? what are your views on how we should handle depression?

continuing to count his gifts to 1000 -

616. time with my husband
617. sons who show responsibility
618. taking care of the little privettes
619. finding flowers on my run
620. my co-workers. they help make school enjoyable
621. friends from church sharing their weekend
622. homemade strawberry jam (thanks, nana!)
623. my dad working hard in physical therapy
624. siblings linking with:

michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, ann for 1000 gifts, l.l. for on, in, and around mondays
joan for sharing his beauty, laura for playdates with god jen for soli deo gloria and
shanda for on your heart tuesdays


  1. Grateful for your honesty here, Kendal. I, too, suffer from depression. I don't talk about it much because I know what you mean - sometimes it makes me feel like a failed Christian. Like perhaps if I prayed harder or more effectively, I wouldn't be depressed. Still struggling with that insecurity.

  2. Your honesty is so comforting!! Thank you:)

  3. hope you are having a marshmellow day...I MISS YOU!

  4. authenticity and openness, while sometimes so hard, is always some sort of shade of beautiful because it means light seeps in and the darkness begins to flee.

    thank you for sharing this, kendal. you are a precious soul.

  5. Appreciate your honesty and I too, want to run out of church and hide if they tell me to DO more in order to be better. Grace, we need lots of it. I think God uses all kinds of ways to help us overcome where we are weak.

  6. Thank you for the honest vulnerability. So glad with you that the pastor was gracious! May the Lord uphold you this evening with His grace.

  7. oh, true is never anything but beautiful. for without truth there is no life. blessings to you, friend as you walk through this journey. i can't wait to stand and bear witness to the twists and turns.

  8. I am so sorry you suffer from depression: sometimes turning into months. I only have a few days here and there and I cannot imagine.
    I do not think it is a sign of weakness.
    I will be praying for marshmallows to stay.

  9. I agree with what Jen said ... the Light. I have to bathe myself in the Light -- but sometimes it is just so hard. In those months of darkness, I cling to the Promise and trust that He never lets go.

  10. Ohh, thanks for this. Couldn't have asked for better thoughts .. I appreciate you:).

  11. once in a while I feel depressed too when things are not going the way I expected it to be or problems keeps coming on my way. BUt God always remind me that it is not my battle alone, but also His. And like you I count my blessings when I get depressed and it makes me feel blessed when I do that!

  12. I went through a serious time of depression in my teens. The feeling of being in a deep pit with no way out was a constant. Thankfully after months of suffering, I told my mom what I was going through. She and I hit our knees in prayer, and eventually, the Lord brought me out of it. I have such compassion for you and ALL who struggle under the dark weight of depression. Hugs!!

  13. thanks for always being vulnerable...I think the enemy thrives on shame...whether it is depression...or some other struggles...we need to rip off that cloak of shame...and not let it push us in the corner where darkness covers...there is no condemnation in Christ...blessings to you~

  14. Bless you for your honest heart, Jesus appreciates you. I think we have all had to deal with depression at sometime in our life, I know I have. It can break you, or make you stronger. In your case, I definitely think it will make you stronger.

  15. Hi Kendal,
    Just watched a video two nights ago about Charles Spurgeon, noting in it his bouts with depression so deep he called it "the blackness." And there are so many other greats of Christianity, as well as faith greats in the Bible who suffered the same.
    I notice them because I've experienced a couple of serious bouts with depression in my life, and their stories encourage me. God has been so good in how He's used the dark times to grow me, and has shown me ways that help me "head it off at the pass." Prayers for you, and thanks for your post.

  16. Beautifully transparent, yet hopeful. Honesty is the best approach. Well done.

  17. Love your honesty. We really do need to talk in the open more about depression. I have been down that road too and when appropriate do tell others instead of hiding it. Thank heaven we live in an age of treatment and better acceptance.

  18. I don't know why mental illnesses are more embarrassing and less likely to be put on a prayer list than cancer or a broken marriage. It isn't a character flaw. I hope you find healing and just now, Kendel, I have held you up in prayer to your heavenly father.

  19. Bless you!!!! Thank you for being so honest here. I know exactly how you felt about looking for an exit and that uncomfortable feeling when you think the boom is coming your way. I'm so glad your pastor was gracious. I've been told to buck up, look at the bright side, smile more, get over it, eat right, even go shopping. I've been through dark waters, wanted to end it all, lost my footing, ran away and hid from everyone I knew for years. No one understands who has not been there. Except Him alone. I can't give advice, except that He does not condemn, nor punish us for it. He does walk through it with us, and I can tell you from the other side of the darkness, you will see his footprints next to yours when you look in the rear view mirror. Thank you again, for your honesty and openness. This was a real blessing to me today!

  20. I think we need to talk about it more and bless you for doing so. I am a counselor in my day job and I've seen many faces of depression. Looking forward to reading more, Kendal.

  21. My heart crys out when I read your words because I'm caught in the fog right now. I'm tired. I'm lost. I'm weary. I have very little strength. I have called out and am waiting. Waiting for him who will answer. Trusting in His time.

  22. I think that depression may be an unspoken common ground among Christians. I don't know it full-force, but I know many who do. It's hard for them to find acceptance. Easier to find bad advice. :-(

    Marshmallows instead of glass inside. Yea!