collywobbles

i have the collywobbles today
what?
you don't know this word?

(col·ly·wob·bles

[noun]ˈkälēˌwäb(ə)lz/

a feeling of

fear

apprehension

or

nervousness)

i am often collywobbly,

walking into school in the mornings

on the jelly legs

of a 

world-class worrywart

or 

sending the husband a frantic

i-need-to-know-you're-alive text....

how can i see the blood root,

braving the cold spring mornings

and not believe that

the steadfast love of the Lord

never
ceases?
how can i see the sun rise bright orange over the knob
and not believe that
for those who 
love
God
all things work together
for
good?
i don't have 
answers
today
i just have
the
collywobbles

do you struggle with worry? what do you do about it?

linking with kelly, laura, jen, jennifer, barbie, sharita

(thank you, brother cam, for the word of the day.)

on feeling thankful for stinkbugs?

last thanksgiving. my twin, carol is left, then dad, then me.

and

for these i am thankful 

stinkbugs

 as they land on my lamps

i'm reminded that i enjoy the american luxury

of uninterrupted electricity in my home

health

not too many years ago i wouldn't have eaten

even one cookie

but saturday-sunday? 

three of us ate 44 lemon crinkles in 23 hours

and 

shame didn't show to the party

my dad

it's our first thanksgiving without him

but my gratefulness runs deep to have had

forty-three years of his wit and wisdom

scripture

isaiah's words are my weapon

as i stave off the sad of loss and the fear of future

Do you not know?

   Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

   the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

   and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary

   and increases the power of the weak.

What are your thankfuls this week?

linking with kelli, laura, jen, jennifer, barbie, sharita

on living the first peter

i finished 1 peter 3

my greenway friends william and lynn captured this light

but
before closing the book i
returned to the
verse-i-think-i-can-live-by-today
finally, all of you, have 
unity of mind,
sympathy,
brotherly love,
a tender heart
and 
a humble mind
i circled humble mind,
laced  up my asics
and 
headed to the greenway for 
running 
and 
nature
and
prayer
and
living out this humble mind
a little more than halfway in 
i
felt
GREAT!
i practically pranced when i saw my average pace was
9:09!
and i'm 44 years old!
i did a little cadence in my humble mind
9:09 and i'm 44
9:09 and i'm 44
9:09 and i'm 44
and then i heard chatter,
the talk of people 
riding bikes in a leisurely manner
and i thought
how sweet, a couple out for a morning ride
while i run these 9:09 miles
and then i heard...feet
what? not cyclists?
runners?
holding a normal conversation while practically 
sprinting past my 9:09?
how can this be?
i'm supposed to be the best out here today
they called out a cheerful 
good morning,
one even turning and running his 7:30 pace backward a few steps
sigh-huff-puff
sigh-huff-puff
and i guess
when we don't humble ourselves
He does it
for
us

what are your thoughts on humility? are we even capable of humbling ourselves?

linking with kelli, laura, jen, jennifer, barbie, sharita

26 words to start your day

dreading the day?
feeling overwhelmed?
i accidentally looked at my calendars
this morning
which always makes me feel
boxed-in-and-suffocating
so i'm saying  these 26 words today....

shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.

worship the Lord with gladness;

come before him with joyful songs.

know that the Lord is God.

amen

what is one of your go-to scriptures for the overwhelming days?

linking with kelli, laura, jen, jennifer, barbie, sharita

on psalms, packing and goat vomit

this pile?
i'll pack it neatly
(or i won't be able to go to bed tonight)
and
step out to kathmandu this week
and
this is faith-walking
because
i
am
scared
just a teensy bit
of
leeches
goat vomit
not-enough-coffee
rejection
and
feeling too old
i'm sure the psalm 91ist had loftier worries than
those of this part-time missionary
but
i'm meditating on his words anyway -
whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty
2 i will say of the Lord, he is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust....
and i'm packing this tonight

what verse do you turn to when you feel afraid?

linking with  kelli, laura, jen, jennifer, barbie, sharita

upon a plow-ed field

looking out over
the plow-ed field
(i'm using the 
king james pronunciation)
hosea's words come to mind  
break up your fallow ground,
for it is the time to seek the Lord,
that he may come
fallow is so...un
you know?
unfertilized
unused
unfruitful
and what's fallow in my world
is the writing-i-used-to-love
i don't know why
i don't know how to break up this ground 
but
i'm seeking the lord
while i wait on words
and
a plow-ed field

what's going on with you? anything fallow in your world? what are you doing about it?

linking with  michelle, laura, jen, jennifer

i spilled coffee on the transfiguration, and other confessions

i spilled coffee
on
the transfiguration yesterday
and
today the
wrinkled
brown
pages
(i hit an unclean spirit,
jesus' death foretold,
a samaritan village
and the follow's cost, too)
seem a sacrilege....
and while i'm confessing,
i'm going to take a risk and
tell both of my readers this alarming fact
about the word -
sometimes i have to
beg
for
belief.
most days god gives me
light
wisdom
unwavering faith
but there are times
(mostly when i'm reading about
predestination, creation or eschatology)
the illumination
isn't
there
and i'm wondering if you are the same

linking up with amy, jennifer, and barbie

because who doesn't like a little joy?

i have joy over my classroom

thanks for the pic, sarah harrison!

literally
our art teacher and principal
invited us
to claim a word-for-the-year
great!
i love words!
and
to create an artistic representation
for the white space above our doors
great.
i'm artistically challenged.
i chose joy
because
it's positive (who doesn't like a little joy?)
and
it's short (who couldn't draw and color three little letters?)
but god?
he meets me
even in my sarcasm
those little three letters
show up at the end of the israelite's rebuilding
under nehemiah's leadership
god worked through and among them
to reestablish jerusalem
and when they finished
their joy was heard far away
taping a word above my door
will not make me joyful
when i know god, my face on the floor before I AM
when i join god for his work among us
then my joy will be heard far away

what has god shown you in the word lately? 

linking with -

michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, heather for just write,  joan for sharing his beauty, laura for playdates with god, jennifer for tell his story, jen for soli deo gloria, barbie for weekend brew

what to do with mistakes

mistakes are

i don't have any photos of the lemon mistake
as it was a popular hit and people gobbled right up.
so here's a nice reminder of god's promises.
my niece snapped this pic from a parking lot in the spring.

inconvenient
embarrassing
costly
human
but they aren't all irredeemable
i recently ruined a lemon pound cake
it fell
it stuck
so, i made
lemon mistake - pronounced \mis-'tä-k\
(practice that pronunciation,
people, you will use this)
i pulled the cake apart
and
alternated layers of
cake
and
cream cheese icing,
creating the lovely, tasty, six-layer
lemon mistake
i can only redeem some of my mistakes
(i still don't know what to do
with burned popcorn)
but god?
he can redeem anything
and
he
wants
to

But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.

what about you? any great redemption stories from the kitchen? from life?

linking with:

michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, heather for just write,  joan for sharing his beauty, laura for playdates with god, jennifer for tell his story, jen for soli deo gloria, barbie for weekend brew

how crying will make me a biblical mom. really.

dear sons,

it's august now and
you're both freshmen
and
i want to give you a
be-sure-to-brush-your-teeth-every-day
kind of list
but you probably have it memorized
so you get an old testament story instead
it's those israelites,
they've been freed from an exile
by cyrus, king of persia
and ezra's author writes that they
made a beginning
i love that,
made a beginning
it's certain and hopeful, you know?
a foundation for god's house,
that's what the israelites were building,
and they began
after two years of prayer and sacrifice and worship
and they began
in accordance with god's commands
and
i want you to make beginnings like that,
certain
hopeful
god-centered
and when you've made those beginnings
i'll do what god's children did,
sing and praise 
he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever
but, ummmmm,
there's also a pretty big chance of crying, too
when i leave you at the university, hank
when i send you off to high school, jack
the elders in ezra chapter three did
they wept for what had passed
so really, if when i cry
i'm biblical a biblical mom
boom

how about you? making any beginnings in your life? do tell.

linking with -

michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, heather for just write,  joan for sharing his beauty, laura for playdates with god, jennifer for tell his story, jen for soli deo gloria, barbie for weekend brew

proud and afraid and deeply so

biblical kings

are chronicled in the old testament -
old king out
new king in
his age at coronation
how long he reigned
and....
his mom's name
i'm sure they were so proud,
these king moms,
hanging on every decree
keeping mental lists of accomplishments
but did they worry, too?
that their boys
wouldn't keep up with laundry
might play too much ping pong or music or disc golf
develop scurvy-because-they-won't-eat-fruits-and-vegetables-without-reminders
choose baals over the living god
i'm sending mine
(not to thrones or battle)
but
one to college
one to high school
i'm proud and deeply so
i'm afraid and deeply so
but
there are mercies for these days
and
i'm satisfied and deeply so


how about you? what are your days bringing? in what ways do you take heart?

linking with -

michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, ann for 1000 gifts, joan for sharing his beauty, laura for playdates with god, jennifer for tell his story, jen for soli deo gloria, my freshly brewed life and kat for titus 2 tuesdays

when beautiful is ugly

(writing for five minutes on beautiful)

sometimes life is ugly
like parents loving a child through drug rehab
like a spouse drowning as he tried to save a life
like children changing and dressing their father
like a mom and dad burying their third child
like a man bearing execution for humanity's sake
and the brokenhearted cry tears unceasing
that fall to earth like so much rain
and i love what joseph has to say to his
brothers-who-cast-him-off
you intended to harm me, 
but god intended it all for good
and what if we lived like that?

believing that from the to-the-earth-tears

beauty will spring forth....

when have you seen beauty spring from the ugly?

linking with-

the gypsy mama for five-minute-friday, grace for FYBF, beholding glory for faith-filled friday, cheryl for true vine challenge, barbie for freshly brewed life

spilling a latte at b&n and other irrational fears

chickahominy river at uncle mark's in VA....

we ended our weekend with
rain on the chickahominy
and
hank playing john denver
but i left home for the graduation-baseball-trip
in baltimore
feeling irrationally anxious
about, oh i don't know,
a car crash
getting lost
parking
food
the yankees losing
getting a head ache
sunburn
spilling a latte on a barnes and noble display....
okay, so some of the fears were realized
(thankfully the barnes and noble lady didn't make me
pay for the two titles i ruined....i've already read them)
and i got a headache
and the yankees lost
but
god, in his infinite goodness,
showed me, again,
that all the worrying in the world
will
not
help
i am the one who helps you, declares the Lord;
    your redeemer is the holy one of israel
he says i am the one who helps you
not one of the ones who helps you
not something that will help you
i am the one
and this peace-rain on the chickahominy?
it's the reminder

how about you? do you have irrational fears? do you worry? what reminds you that the worry doesn't change anything?

linking with -

michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, ann for 1000 gifts, joan for sharing his beauty, laura for playdates with god, jennifer for tell his story, jen for soli deo gloria, my freshly brewed life and kat for titus 2 tuesdays

fever, australia and a chris mug

a thankful list is in order this morning....

for jack's fever coming down
for chris and team safely in australia
for hank's music
for fox darting roadside in the cool morning
for chocolate-chip-cookie-ice-cream-nutella second breakfast
for squash ready on vine
for forty-seven hours without finding lizard poop near the fridge
for this retro chris chris chris coffee mug
for this word, a david-prayer that i'm feeling today -
who am i, o lord,
and what is my house
that you have 
brought
me
thus
far?

what are your thankfuls this morning?

linking with -

michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, ann for 1000 gifts, joan for sharing his beauty, laura for playdates with god, jennifer for tell his story, jen for soli deo gloria, my freshly brewed life and kat for titus 2 tuesdays

on egg-laying and god's approval

collected three eggs today
my husband announced as i topped the steps yesterday
pretty sure i fist-pumped at that news
and made a mental note
not to eat those black chickens anytime soon
these hens? 
valuable to me for their food-production
(they should live in fear, really)
and is this the heart of 
of the guilt that trails me?
even though i don't believe
in works-based salvation
it's
how
i
live
ticking off acts and accomplishments
in an attempt to
cash them in for
god's
approval
i'm afraid of disappointing
him
for not doing enough
this is a sad spiritual place
but
look at this fist-pumping good news - 
so then it (salvation) depends not on 
human will 
or 
exertion, 
but on 
God, 
who has mercy
amen.

where are you with grace? accepting, skeptical, or somewhere in-between?

continuing to count his gifts to 1000-

940. one of my sons' songs coming up on my ipod as i run
941. blue sky
942. an egg from a black chicken (she's been on vacation, apparently)
943. blue birds
944. a new bible on its way
945. seeing my house in the daylight
946. baseball

linking with -

michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, ann for 1000 gifts, joan for sharing his beauty, laura for playdates with god, the true vine challenge, jen for soli deo gloria, my freshly brewed life and kat for titus 2 tuesdays

has this always been in the bible?

i wrote this in my journal yesterday
Jesus is manna - 
from somewhere in John.
but he doesn't rot
has this always been in the bible?
because metaphor makes me swoon
so i think i would have noticed it
am i blind to all but the mundane?
when i think of what's coming down from above
it's
rain
stinkbugs
and
dust from the beams
oh lord open my eyes
to the manna from heaven who is
compassion
omniscience
piercing wisdom
sacrifice
amen

what fresh word have you gotten lately?

934. opportunities for learning
935. a running partner
936. anne lamott
937. planning the summer's garden
938. husband sacrificing for me
939. coffee from my favorite mug

 linking with -

michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, ann for 1000 gifts, joan for sharing his beauty, laura for playdates with god, the true vine challenge, amber for concrete words, jen for soli deo gloria, my freshly brewed life and kat for titus 2 tuesdays

on the scale (full well)

me on the left, friend in the center and my twin on the right
c. 1978 (an era of confidence)

i liked myself as a child
you know, 
before adolescence and an awareness
of
others
it was maybe fourth grade when
i began building this 
ramshackle self-image
on the shoddy foundation
of the world's eye
that saw 
stringy hair, ruddy complexion, 
spectacles and old clothes
in my thirties
i befriended 
the scale, the world's voice
fluent in lies as well as numbers
she interprets weights and assigns blame
she dictates our days and strips us of self-worth
she is power
(if we allow it)
and i fell for it
the husband, moms, sisters, doctors wanted me to know
what david-god's-beloved knew....
he had a heart tuned to 
god's eye 
god's voice
and he sang
i praise you because i am 
fearfully and wonderfully 
made;
your works are wonderful, 
i know that full well
this breath-taking verse revisited yesterday

and i retucked it into memory

for when the world tries to speak

and i need her to 

hush

so, what is your relationship to the scale? 

continuing to count his gifts to 1000-

908. sunshine after four days of....not
909. a sweet note from a student
910. an email from a friend of a different season....coffee to come
911. snow-in-the-south - 3 inches!!!!
912. an hour and a half in the car with my husband after his trip to jamaica
913. blankets
914. the heatable rice sack i put in my bed each night = warm feet
915. my girl, the one i mentor, who made me the rice sack
916. watching the sun rise....right.now.

linking with -

michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, ann for 1000 gifts, emily for tuesdays unwrapped,

joan for sharing his beauty, laura for playdates with god, amber for concrete words, jen for soli deo gloria, my freshly brewed life and kat for titus 2 tuesdays

if you say marvel enough times it starts to sound weird

another one of my brother's great shots

i word-searched an
english standard version 
and found that all kinds of people
marveled when jesus was around...
the men
the crowds
the disciples
the pharisees
jesus's father and mother
the jews
everyone
including...jesus
jesus. marveled.
which makes him more human to me,
that he could be astonished, taken aback
he encountered a centurion-whose-servant-lay-dying
and jesus offered to walk with him home
but the centurion answered
just say the word
and
when jesus heard this, he marveled 
at the man's faith
but when jesus-son-of-god
returned to his hometown to minister
he was met with scoffs and questions
and
he marveled because of their unbelief
and
i want to be that centurion answering
just say the word
that jesus might marvel
at
my
faith
(lord help my unbelief)

where are you with faith these days? with the centurion (just say the word), with the scoffers, or somewhere in between?

continuing to count his gifts to 1000 -

899. single daffodil snubbing her nose at winter
900. spring's scent, if only fleeting
901. doe bounding over trail
902. work friends
903. imitrex
904. nutella on a spoon
905. wrestling tournaments
906. lunch out with friends
907. promise of husband's friday return


linking with -

michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, ann for 1000 gifts, emily for tuesdays unwrapped,

joan for sharing his beauty, laura for playdates with god, jen for soli deo gloria, my freshly brewed life and kat for titus 2 tuesdays

in the dark wee hours

i was awake for the wee hours

clearing my throat

flopping about

listening to moses bark

worrying

enter a sunday scripture -

do not be anxious about anything,

but in everything

by prayer and supplication

with thanksgiving

let your requests

be made known to god

and the peace of god,

which surpasses all understanding

will guard your hearts

and your minds in christ jesus

what do you do with that middle-of-the-night worry?

linking with deidra for the sunday community

photo credit

lucy's sunrise

i’m living and breathing

among you

right.

now.

don’t be timid

don’t hold back

haggai 2:5 (MSG)

*i'm participating in a new-to-me sunday community in which writers post a photo and a scripture. and it is encouraging. click here to join deidra for jumping tandem's sunday scripture....

*my sister-in-law, lucy, snapped this photo yesterday morning. so glad she experienced such beauty.