Monday, January 21, 2013

on the scale (full well)

me on the left, friend in the center and my twin on the right
c. 1978 (an era of confidence)
i liked myself as a child
you know, 
before adolescence and an awareness
it was maybe fourth grade when
i began building this 
ramshackle self-image
on the shoddy foundation
of the world's eye
that saw 
stringy hair, ruddy complexion, 
spectacles and old clothes
in my thirties
i befriended 
the scale, the world's voice
fluent in lies as well as numbers
she interprets weights and assigns blame
she dictates our days and strips us of self-worth
she is power
(if we allow it)
and i fell for it
the husband, moms, sisters, doctors wanted me to know
what david-god's-beloved knew....
he had a heart tuned to 
god's eye 
god's voice
and he sang
i praise you because i am 
fearfully and wonderfully 
your works are wonderful, 
know that full well
this breath-taking verse revisited yesterday
and i retucked it into memory
for when the world tries to speak
and i need her to 

so, what is your relationship to the scale? 

continuing to count his gifts to 1000-

908. sunshine after four days of....not
909. a sweet note from a student
910. an email from a friend of a different to come
911. snow-in-the-south - 3 inches!!!!
912. an hour and a half in the car with my husband after his trip to jamaica
913. blankets
914. the heatable rice sack i put in my bed each night = warm feet
915. my girl, the one i mentor, who made me the rice sack
916. watching the sun

linking with -

michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, ann for 1000 gifts, emily for tuesdays unwrapped,


  1. You're a twin? I never knew that. how cool

    The longer I live the more I am dropping the weights and measures in life. Hard to let go but I know recognize them earlier when they sneak into my thinking and I am beginning to set them aside. I love your writing style, Kendall!

  2. Even at 55, and what most people would say is a pretty darn good weight for my age, I still wish to be the weight I was at 35. Letting God's peace rule in my mind and heart even in this area is a necessity. Here from Ann's. Nice to "meet" you.

  3. love a rice sack! happy times! blessings to you from Uganda

  4. "Full well." I love that. If it's not the scale, Kendal, it's something else the world is screaming at us. And yes, she just needs to hush, for we know "full well." Thanks for reminding us - and for using David (God's beloved who was still flawed).

    '78? You're definitely younger than I am! And a twin -- how cool!

  5. I have twins!

    It was after their birth and the desire to lose the weight of pregnancy that the scale and I developed a deadly relationship, which I am still trying to break free from. Not sure it will ever happen, it holds so much power.

  6. You. Seeing this little girl you? It makes me want to shepherd all of those little girls and steer them to this place of God-love that you describe. But that probably wouldn't work, would it? Because some journeys have be taken alone before they take. So we pray. And love. And give thanks for you and your journey that is still unfolding.

  7. Amen, Kendal. I have this picture hanging in my kitchen that says "Make time for the quiet moments, for God whispers and the world is loud." So thankful for time to meditate on His good word.

  8. Kendal, I am so taken by your writing. There is such power and strength in the sparseness of the poetic lines. It holds so much of your heart, always. Thanks for sharing with us. Its always a privilege to have glimpses into these tender places. Oh that picture. Beautiful, all of it.

  9. Beautiful write Kendal! I love this...

  10. I clicked on this earlier today but wasn't quite sure how to respond. I do know that, after having heard both your and emily wierenga's stories, I'm very careful to discuss my weight (either loss or gain) on the internet or around people I think may be battling an eating disorder. I paid a great deal of attention to my scale last year, but only because I was working toward achieving a healthy goal.

    And, while my scale may not hold the same kind of power over me, I do know I allow accusations and lies from other sources to distract me from the truth of who I am in Christ. You keep telling your stories and reminding me to look for the lies.

    1. you are a wise soul, nancy. i love that you are sensitive to people who are in a war with the scale. and i love that you have reminded me that the scale is not EVERYONE'S enemy. that satan, he is crafty like that - he picks our battles for us....

  11. Oh Kendal, my heart sister. You are simply a poet. You always do the concrete in such a mystical way.

  12. i LOVE that you shared this with me friend. and i would really like to post this on my ED blog next week if possible? let me know. your words are power.

  13. Poignant and powerful. Thanks for your honest vulnerability.

    For some the lies come from the scale and the pages of every magazine around - for others, it's something else. However, no matter where it comes from, it's all lies...

    Yes, that is a wonderful word of Truth - God's view of us should be emblazoned in our minds, and deeply entrenched in our hearts.


  14. Dear Kendal
    Life has taught me to she'd all the unnecessary burdens, spiritually, physically and emotionally. We tend to use the scales the world measures with and that is never good news! Glad I found you at Amber's! Love your poem.
    Much love XX

  15. this is INCREDIBLE stuff, my dear kendal.

    i love the way you weave Him in every word, like Esther, without having to speak of Him in spelled out syllables. you breathe Him inherent.

  16. Gorgeous, heartbreaking. That turn from childhood confidence to shame, I have lived it, too.

  17. Ah, the scales. My best friend, my worst enemy. Depends on the day.

    #915 made me smile. My 4-yr-old granddaughter came in today with a tiny rice bag she made for me. She was so proud.