Wednesday, June 6, 2012

women and the desire to be "er"

this post-it note hung on my mirror for years
chris preserved it for me in a shadow box
my boys count their
scars with pride
twelve just on my left leg
and crooked fingers are to covet
i broke this one in 7th grade football
but women and girls
noses were cuter
skin clearer
eyes a deeper hue
waists smaller
legs thinner
hair straighter, curlier, lighter, darker
this desire to be er
is not a god idea
formed my inward parts
and knitted me together
when we stare ourselves down
wishing to be er
we are

how do we break this cycle of self-loathing and become women who praise him for his wonderful works? i really want to know.

linking with:

emily for imperfect prose
jen for god bumps
joy for life:unmasked
seeds of faith for #ifellowship


  1. we do stare ourselves down...and even other woman in the comparison game. I spent so many years hating who God made me...THis has been a long journey for me...growing in knowing how much God really does love me...not knowing in my head...but that landslide that takes place where it fills a heart..has healed so much of the self-hatered. thanks for this honest post....blessings to you as you continue to KNOW just how truly loved your are~

  2. It is a constant battle, isn't it? For me it comes down to that one verse that must run like a constant background in my mind:

    "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Cor. 10:5

    Every time I compare myself, belittle myself, want more "er" for myself, I think: capture that thought and give it back to the father of lies.

    It's not easy. It is definitely a journey.

  3. Libby Cook-CarltonJune 6, 2012 at 11:51 AM

    For me it was to stop LISTENING to what other folks thought or said & pretending it doesn't matter. I read God's word morning & night to keep my mind focused. When negative thoughts come into my mind, I say out loud,"I'm not thinking that thought or I don't accept that idea" knowing evil is trying to trip me up but my words change that negative atmosphere. Our thoughts are not always our own especially if they are negative. Focus on the positive in your life no matter how small. You need to understand, God created you & He doesn't make junk! He loves you, it's evil that makes you feel unloved. For 61 years I've ALWAYS been different. It's not an easy way but if I can do it, you can too just BELIEVE! The battle to end your gifts is in your mind. Seek positive not negative & you will bless the atmosphere around you. You are a gift of God & we would miss you if you weren't here.

  4. Oh, Kendal.
    You have really struck a deep chord with this one.

    I don't pretend to understand the end from the beginning in this matter, but I do know that self-hatred is just as demonic as self-exaltation. Maybe it's not thinking I am better than others, but rather thinking I know better than God. Still pride -- just with a twist.

    Perhaps much would be solved if we learned what it is to submit to God all our prideful thoughts . . . and all the evidences of such, like the "er" battles.

    And I agree with Gaby above. The end of the journey is certainly not reached in a day.

  5. solid truth in er-ing we are telling god he did not make us good enough...and perhaps even that ties to our feelings of always needing to try to be good enough...

  6. i wish i could just copy your whole blog and paste it into my ED one. you speak such truths that women need to hear, kendal. don't stop.

  7. Good morning Kendall, I hate the "ers" in my life. I have been praying for a while now for God to help me be the woman that HE created me to be. Not the woman I think I need to be or the world tries to mold me to be. But the woman HE purposed me to be when He created me in my mother's womb. He often gives me God-thoughts that I carry and savor. One of late is "I'm me and I'm free". At the age of 48, I believe I am finally in the process of becoming the woman He created and purposed me to be.

    Thank you so much for your posts. I just know in my knowing place that you are a special woman of God.

  8. I want to know too! But I love these thoughts! Thanks!

  9. I want to know too! How can I teach my daughters to love who they are, who God made them.

  10. Always want more, don't we? One way or another. The beauty of life and the plan lies in the fact that we get today to appreciate, love, live, let go...

  11. beautiful post. To answer your question, I don't know, but the farther I get from 30 (sigh) and the closer to 40 I find it I am more satisfied and confident in who God made and care less what others think. Maybe this happens to every woman? :)God has most definitely used (life experience)such as marriage, going through babies/toddlers and now having almost 9 and 11 year old girls to help reinforce that I believe what i keep telling them too. smile. happy day to you.

  12. i've got miles to go on this, but i find my heart fares best when i remember that the point of my life isn't me. it's making much of Him, and that fleshes out as loving the people around me well. so really, for me at least, the critical difference isn't how i view myself but seeing God clearly (or at all), and being aware of the preciousness of the people surrounding me. does that even make an ounce of sense? i don't know, but it somehow works in my brain. :)

  13. I literally wrote the words "Good morning Beautiful" on my mirror in lipstick for a while. I needed to believe that I was.

    Did you read Deidra Riggs' post today about beauty? I think you might like it. Also, Gypsy Mama had a great one a few days ago about swimsuit season.

    P.S. -- The King is enthralled by your beauty (Psalm 45:11)

  14. Oh, this is hard. Harder for some of us than others. All I can think of is, "Eyes on Him. Eyes on Him."

    Hmmm...kind of echoes my post today...

  15. this poem made me cry. thank you for sharing it.

    your aunt, sarah dixon, sent me a link to your blog. i am recovering from an eating disorder and have found so much peace in your writing. i am very grateful to read what you have to say, and for your aunt for sending me the link.