Sunday, December 30, 2012

meet my right-now best friend, anxiety

my sister-in-law captured the sunrise
through a barn window....
4:14 am
my right-now best friend anxiety,
glad to have awakened me,
began bombarding me with questions -
what if hank misses the scholarship deadlines?
what if milk really goes to $7 a gallon?
what if we run out of money this month?
what if dad falls and no one knows it for hours?
why haven't you worked on lesson plans?
don't you have a game and a meeting on thursday?
how long will chris be gone to jamaica?
i tossed and turned and tried to mute
this harbinger of doom
by reciting bible verses
and in the light of day
i find this disconcerting
how can i not know a single bible verse in the dark night?
i sent myself a few text messages -
bible verses i can access in the
scary irrationality of the wee hours
in this world you will have trouble
but take heart
i have overcome the world
it pierces the dark

so, what do you do with your middle-of-the-night irrationality?

continuing to count his gifts to 1000-

878. jack-built fire in the fireplace
879. nip in the air
880. it came upon a midnight clear
881. cadbury chocolate at christmas
882. hank's song for our family
883. a husband who calls me beautiful
884. new jacket for running that, when the hood is up, makes me look like an olympic speed skater

linking with -

michelle for hear it monday, use it on sunday, ann for 1000 gifts, emily for tuesdays unwrapped,


  1. I have been there done that and it stinks!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just prayed for you to get a good nights sleep!

  2. oh friend. i get this. i do. it's the enemy of our souls, this fear. may you know light. and i love that photo.

  3. i'm usually up by that time of day. with similar thoughts and feelings. perhaps i should give you my cell phone number. . . .
    i'm trying to think through every darn anxious thought i can today, because i've claimed FEARLESS as my word for this year. i'm already shaking a bit at the thought :-)
    praying for you. every time i have to denounce anxiety over the coming 365 days.
    happy new year!

  4. Yes, yes, this sounds familiar. How wise to send those texts to yourself! The Word is the only thing that stops the worry for me. Praying for peace.

  5. Oh, how I can relate to this! I pray and turn to the Word, but sometimes the anxiety just takes over. Sometimes we just need others to be praying for us. Praying for peace for you tonight.

  6. I found your blog over at Joan's. And your title immediately grabbed my attention, as I really battle with anxiety, too. I love the verse you cited from John - I quote that one to myself on a regular basis. Take heart, take heart, take heart - I don't know what I would do without my Savior, the Great Overcomer!

    One thing that I do in the middle of the night is pick up my Bible, open it randomly, and read the verses on the two pages in front of me. God always seems to speak a word of comfort to me.

    You also might be interested in this post that I just wrote - about anxiety and insomnia!


  7. Wow, sounds like my sleep disturbed the other night... Blessings of His peace and assurance on your new year! As I wrote on my blog today, sounds like you found His pocketful of miracles shining ahead of you... :)

  8. For me...growing in the true knowledge of His LOve for me has helped me abide more than anything else. I learned I will not fully put my trust in someone I don’t feel safe and loved by. Me and God had some serious issues to work through...but being the Lover of our souls....He continued to woo me...patiently call me....until my soul found it sabbath rest in Him. Being able to abide in His love more and more...I live less and less in the Land of the “what ifs”...and I can rest more and more in the “what is”....trusting the unknown to the ONE who knows all. I am continuing to grow in this grace...I pray for you as find a deeper abiding place in His LOVe. Happy New year to you.....blessings~

  9. Finding you for the first time, loving your poet's heart.

  10. Oh sister I'm so sorry. Praying right now for peace...

  11. Wow -- powerful, Kendal. This just hit my heart and perhaps one of your most poignant posts that I have ever read.

    In my nighttime anxieties, I picture myself bringing to God each one of the things I am anxious over. As I place them in His Hands, I say, "In Your mercy, hear my prayer."

  12. understanding every point you made - and the need for those verses to bring light to the moments where there seems to be none.

    Thanks for sharing


  13. Hi Kendall,
    I haven't been by your blog in a while--I so appreciate your truth and description of your thoughts. I worried yesterday about Ashley (my husband) taking our two older boys to his family farm 1.5 hrs away, worried that "something" would happen and leave me with just the baby. I suppose the worry was founded, since accidents "do" happen, but worrying just isn't a very helpful emotion. Ugh. I was so happy when they all arrived home late last night. So happy. Take care.

  14. Visiting from Mercy Ink linkup.
    Oh how I have had those anxious thought rush into my mind and sometimes the fear grips me so badly that I cannot put verses together. I found that when I participated in LPM SSMT in 2011 (this years several of my verses were ones that I knew would help me with my anxiousness. Once I put them to memory over & over I found it easier to go through those verses as I go to sleep instead of allowing those questions to shake me to my core.
    My first go to. "For God hath not given (ME!!) us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7
    Thank you for sharing this today!

  15. you are brilliant with texting yourself verses. i was wide eyed in the dark hours this very morning, and whenever that happens i'm convinced it's because someone needs prayer.

    (after i got up several hours later, though, i wondered if it was God telling me to rise way early and spend some time with Him in that great big love letter of His. if it happens again tomorrow, i shall have to pull myself from bed...and that may require some serious help from the Holy Spirit.)

    ps wish i could see you in all your speed-skater glory. :)